Anonymous Post From a Client About Being a Stepmom

By | Client Posts, Co-Parenting, Unsolicited Opinions

Background: This anonymous post comes from a client’s wife who unconditionally loves her step son despite being sidelined by the system and the dynamic in which the child came into the world. Here are her unfiltered thoughts:

“What qualities make a stepmom worthy of praise and satisfaction? We have done an extreme injustice to stepmoms in this country. The boundaries of what we should and shouldn’t do are so lost. No one has an answer that feels good. Thanks to Cinderella we stepmoms have a stigma attached that may never go away. People dismiss us all the time! You’re the only one willing to sacrifice and call into work to take your sick stepson to the doctor because God forbid a man calls into work in our corporate world for a “sick kid”, and God forbid his “real” mom takes time away from her needs to do it. And no one says thanks or acknowledges a damn bit of what you do. He needs an allergist, you’re the only one who spends enough time with him to even know he needs an allergist. He needs to work on a project for school and you’re the only one who reminds him or is invested in his grades. He needs new clothes because he hit a growth spurt and you’re the only one who will spend the money or the time to take him. Better yet you’re the only one who noticed he grew out of his clothes. The “real” mom wants the dad to “supply” all his needs. Meanwhile she’s doing happy hours, pedicures, shopping, dating, etc. The dad wants his child support to “supply” his needs. Unless he spent his life savings winning custody. In that case the “real” mom has the whole world feeling sorry for her and giving her monetary handouts. Please. If you lost custody especially in the state of Texas then bet your booty you are not a good mother. Yet as a stepmom you are supposed to go above and beyond to be the most consistent, loving, patient mom of all time. This sounds like a job no one wants hu? I have a secret. I love the job! Guess what sweet child will remember who was always there for them? And for doctors visits? And traditions? And cookies at school for the winter party? And money for the book fair? And prescription refills? It’s me. While everyone else is tallying and hateful I’m making beautiful memories with a handsome young man who will always respect me and love me and trust me no matter what. You simply can’t beat that with your corporate job or your stupid meaningless words. Kids see action and they will always remember who was really there. I’m changing the life of a child and that is something no one can take away or even compete with.”

I Am Not Doing Christmas Cards

By | Unsolicited Opinions

The first step in having it all is to cross half the things you need to do off your list. Here are the things I have crossed off my list: vegetables at every dinner, birthday parties, hand towels with holiday themes, a clean car, thank you notes, gym workouts, coupon clipping, pleasure reading, facials, making things from scratch, cleaning my own house, deleting old emails, organizing my own closet, responding to all texts, and Christmas cards.

Moms do way too many things that don’t matter. Having a Christmas card doesn’t make you a better person. I promise. I read that in the Bible. No one actually cares if they got your Christmas card. Sure they enjoy seeing your “having-it-all-ness” and for a moment your card is at the top of the stack. But since when does spending a couple Saturdays picking out a card and arguing with your children about what they will wear and how many times they need to smile for the camera sound like a good use of time? Don’t even get me started with the eye-rolling husbands. The cost is pretty steep too, at least a dollar for the card and 49 cents for the stamp. I truly wonder why practically everyone sends one out. Step away from the herd people.

When your household runs like mine and rush hour starts the second you get home – its dinner, bath and brush your teeth before you have any quality time with your child. Its hard enough to have the peace of mind to throw in some time outs and green beans, check the school’s list of disorganized reminders for pajama drives, and make sure they don’t choke on their food. A pajama drive – really? I check my mail every couple of days. Usually its just BCBS denying a claim for something or a $70 ticket for getting caught on a red light camera. If I wanted to do Christmas cards, I’d have to keep track of addresses right? Bahahahaa. . . Ugh. There is just no way. Speaking of tradition, the Elf on the Shelf sounds like a horrible person.

OMG – I just got a text from my housekeeper. She fired me.

Back to my point, for those of you out there looking for an excuse to “forget to do cards”, consider yourself validated. I’m trying to start a trend here. Lower the standard people! The things we toil over are not important!